The Bard and the Devil had previously prepared me for what was to
become my indoctrination into the Saturday Irregulars, through a number
of various amusing tales. I went in fully expecting to get the fresh
meat grilling, and was actually quite surprised.
Once we had arrived, the usual social introductions were made, and everyone returned to their perches on the floor or couches. Farthest from me was (nicknames courtesy of the Devil's blog) The Balance, on his right the Psychiatrist (on temporary loan from the military), The Molester, The Jedi,
Doomhammer, then Myself, the Bard was next to me, and a short while
later, Foxy Moxy on the opposite end of the couch from the Balance. The Balance decrees proper introductions are in order.
Around the makeshift circle we go, with some various bits of name, rank
and serial number, usually accompanied by the answer to "so, what have
you been doing lately?" and so on. Naturally, I'm last being my first time.
The
attention now is shifted over to me, and who I am. It starts out
innocently enough, with my name and what I do for work, and all that.
While they have not met me, as such before, some already know about some
of my more interesting aspects. They know me from the Devil's blog as
"The Electrician". At the reiteration of this fact to the crowd, the
wandering eyes have come back to look at me squarely. Momentarily I
wonder how much the Bard and Devil have primed the audience over the
previous 6 months.
The Balance starts in with the
questions, the exact details of which I cannot recall, but to the effect
of "Explain the electrical stuff to us." We start with the Erostek
boxes, and their operation. They are similar to medical TENS units. (TENS stands for Transcutaneous Electro Nerve Stimulation, if you're curious.) The Erostek boxes
offer a much greater range of control and specifically designed patterns
to create pleasurable sensations. I get into the waveform output of the
medical units, and then building on how the Erostek units take that a
step farther (or several). We also get into the voltage and that it is and AC current source, but much lower voltage and way less amperage than your normal household outlet. The Balance, as it happens, starts to become
the only person in the room who is still following my explanation. His
electrical engineering background now revealed, we continue.
The Balance now satisfied with my explanation of the Erostek/TENS type products shifts his questions to the Violet Wands.
"What is the difference then between the TENS units and a Violet Wand?" The Balance asks.
I explain that the only really common element is that they use electricity. The Violet wand uses a tuned pulse circuit, with a spark-gap interrupter to set the initial pulse, which feeds a primary coil, stepping up the line voltage to around 500VAC, which is then fed through a capacitor into a kicking coil (a high-voltage transformer, or tesla coil), raising the output to 10-50kV, and at a frequency of about 1/2MHz. The output is then used with some sort of air-gapped electrode, producing sparks of greater length as the output/voltage increases. The Bard also adds in the story of herself, the Devil, and Young Kubrick holding up the metallic fabric recently acquired, and then I proceed to put on a lightning show in her living room. Which was quite a bit of fun, I might add. The question of the sensation comes up, and as I try to find the words, the Bard looks at me, and just says "Stingy." I add in a bit about it being stingy, and if done for a while, leaves a bit of a sunburn like feeling behind, but can be fairly easily handled with some aloe. If the electrode is placed directly against the skin, however, it will simply get a bit warm.
The focus now returns back to the Erostek boxes.
"So,
what does it FEEL like?"
The burning question everyone wants
answered. The crowd was anticipating that the equipment was coming
along, and would have had I known. I turned to the Bard and asked why
didn't we bring it, and she shrugs and tells me no one made the request.
I explain the sensation, in terms of say a hand gripping a muscle, or
giving a massage, except that there is no tactile response, it is your
muscles doing it themselves, in a very scalable, controllable,
repetitive way. I attempt to demonstrate on myself using my hand on the
opposite forearm as an example of the motion that it generally feels
like if it were someone doing it. The ghost sensation is a factor
though. It extricates the human element from the equation entirely. This
will come into play later.
Foxy asks about piercings and how they factor into it, which is
an important consideration when selecting electrode locations. The short
answer is to not allow any sort of conductive piercing jewelry to be in
contact with electrodes, but we do discuss it at length. As part of the
safety briefing portion of the conversation, explaining how you should
never set electrodes up in such a way that current can cross the chest
cavity across the front was the other key point. When it doubt, ask
someone who knows. I've seen professionally shot videos of people who
did not obey these rules. Do not be the next joke at the firehouse, or
worse.
At some point, the living room is abandoned for the
kitchen. I don't recall why, but it happened. The Bard and the
Psychiatrist went out for a smoke at that juncture. After what seemed
like they could have smoked a half carton, they reappeared. Around the
kitchen table sat the Balance at the head, Foxy on his left, the
Molester, The Jedi, and Doomhammer. They discussed other things, giving
me a bit of time to observe and absorb. After standing for a while, I
took a seat next to the Bard, having just returned from placating the
nicotine gods.
The Balance and I struck up further conversation.
"So, what do you get out of this stuff?" he asks.
Having relatively glossed over the practical
possibilities, I started to further explain the insertables vs. the
pads. This is where the discussion became incredibly amusing. I start to
explain the how the insertables can create different sensations by
virtue of their shape or style. Basically it can do one of two things,
sometimes both: prostate stimulation, or a sort of sex like sensation of
muscle contractions. Shape, size, and electrode location and your
unique anatomy dictate these possibilities. All of a sudden, the boys
all start to see how incredibly interesting this could be. I begin to
ask them, Do you like the idea of a threesome without the threesome?
This can replicate some of that. Being able to apply that same precise
amount of stimulation in the same place, as long as you can stand or
want it? That can all be arranged. Explaining some of the combinations
to the Balance, the change in expression on his face tells me he gets it
now.
"The other guys need to hear about this, do you mind telling them?" the Balance asks quickly, as to not lose the excitement of the moment.
"No, not at all. I just have to run to the bathroom first." I reply.
I was barely washing my hands in the bathroom before I can hear
the Balance's voice recounting my moments old explanation to the guys. I
stifle a chuckle, and return to my seat, with little left to recount,
as the cat is well out of the bag now. They all get it.
They've entered the world of The Electrician.
