Enter The Electrician...Updated!

The Bard and the Devil had previously prepared me for what was to become my indoctrination into the Saturday Irregulars, through a number of various amusing tales. I went in fully expecting to get the fresh meat grilling, and was actually quite surprised.

Once we had arrived, the usual social introductions were made, and everyone returned to their perches on the floor or couches. Farthest from me was (nicknames courtesy of the Devil's blog) The Balance, on his right the Psychiatrist (on temporary loan from the military), The Molester, The Jedi, Doomhammer, then Myself, the Bard was next to me, and a short while later, Foxy Moxy on the opposite end of the couch from the Balance. The Balance decrees proper introductions are in order. Around the makeshift circle we go, with some various bits of name, rank and serial number, usually accompanied by the answer to "so, what have you been doing lately?" and so on. Naturally, I'm last being my first time.

The attention now is shifted over to me, and who I am. It starts out innocently enough, with my name and what I do for work, and all that. While they have not met me, as such before, some already know about some of my more interesting aspects. They know me from the Devil's blog as "The Electrician". At the reiteration of this fact to the crowd, the wandering eyes have come back to look at me squarely. Momentarily I wonder how much the Bard and Devil have primed the audience over the previous 6 months.

The Balance starts in with the questions, the exact details of which I cannot recall, but to the effect of "Explain the electrical stuff to us." We start with the Erostek boxes, and their operation. They are similar to medical TENS units. (TENS stands for Transcutaneous Electro Nerve Stimulation, if you're curious.) The Erostek boxes offer a much greater range of control and specifically designed patterns to create pleasurable sensations. I get into the waveform output of the medical units, and then building on how the Erostek units take that a step farther (or several). We also get into the voltage and that it is and AC current source, but much lower voltage and way less amperage than your normal household outlet. The Balance, as it happens, starts to become the only person in the room who is still following my explanation. His electrical engineering background now revealed, we continue.

The Balance now satisfied with my explanation of the Erostek/TENS type products shifts his questions to the Violet Wands. 

"What is the difference then between the TENS units and a Violet Wand?" The Balance asks.

I explain that the only really common element is that they use electricity. The Violet wand uses a tuned pulse circuit, with a spark-gap interrupter to set the initial pulse, which feeds a primary coil, stepping up the line voltage to around 500VAC, which is then fed through a capacitor into a kicking coil (a high-voltage transformer, or tesla coil), raising the output to 10-50kV, and at a frequency of about 1/2MHz. The output is then used with some sort of air-gapped electrode, producing sparks of greater length as the output/voltage increases. The Bard also adds in the story of herself, the Devil, and Young Kubrick holding up the metallic fabric recently acquired, and then I proceed to put on a lightning show in her living room. Which was quite a bit of fun, I might add. The question of the sensation comes up, and as I try to find the words, the Bard looks at me, and just says "Stingy." I add in a bit about it being stingy, and if done for a while, leaves a bit of a sunburn like feeling behind, but can be fairly easily handled with some aloe. If the electrode is placed directly against the skin, however, it will simply get a bit warm.

The focus now returns back to the Erostek boxes.

"So, what does it FEEL like?"

The burning question everyone wants answered. The crowd was anticipating that the equipment was coming along, and would have had I known. I turned to the Bard and asked why didn't we bring it, and she shrugs and tells me no one made the request. I explain the sensation, in terms of say a hand gripping a muscle, or giving a massage, except that there is no tactile response, it is your muscles doing it themselves, in a very scalable, controllable, repetitive way. I attempt to demonstrate on myself using my hand on the opposite forearm as an example of the motion that it generally feels like if it were someone doing it. The ghost sensation is a factor though. It extricates the human element from the equation entirely. This will come into play later.


Foxy asks about piercings and how they factor into it, which is an important consideration when selecting electrode locations. The short answer is to not allow any sort of conductive piercing jewelry to be in contact with electrodes, but we do discuss it at length. As part of the safety briefing portion of the conversation, explaining how you should never set electrodes up in such a way that current can cross the chest cavity across the front was the other key point. When it doubt, ask someone who knows. I've seen professionally shot videos of people who did not obey these rules. Do not be the next joke at the firehouse, or worse.


At some point, the living room is abandoned for the kitchen. I don't recall why, but it happened. The Bard and the Psychiatrist went out for a smoke at that juncture. After what seemed like they could have smoked a half carton, they reappeared. Around the kitchen table sat the Balance at the head, Foxy on his left, the Molester, The Jedi, and Doomhammer. They discussed other things, giving me a bit of time to observe and absorb. After standing for a while, I took a seat next to the Bard, having just returned from placating the nicotine gods.

The Balance and I struck up further conversation.

"So, what do you get out of this stuff?" he asks.

Having relatively glossed over the practical possibilities, I started to further explain the insertables vs. the pads. This is where the discussion became incredibly amusing. I start to explain the how the insertables can create different sensations by virtue of their shape or style. Basically it can do one of two things, sometimes both: prostate stimulation, or a sort of sex like sensation of muscle contractions. Shape, size, and electrode location and your unique anatomy dictate these possibilities. All of a sudden, the boys all start to see how incredibly interesting this could be. I begin to ask them, Do you like the idea of a threesome without the threesome? This can replicate some of that. Being able to apply that same precise amount of stimulation in the same place, as long as you can stand or want it? That can all be arranged. Explaining some of the combinations to the Balance, the change in expression on his face tells me he gets it now.


 "The other guys need to hear about this, do you mind telling them?" the Balance asks quickly, as to not lose the excitement of the moment.

 "No, not at all. I just have to run to the bathroom first." I reply.

I was barely washing my hands in the bathroom before I can hear the Balance's voice recounting my moments old explanation to the guys. I stifle a chuckle, and return to my seat, with little left to recount, as the cat is well out of the bag now. They all get it.

They've entered the world of The Electrician.